I have a challenging time in front of me. The surprise kind. The no-way-you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me kind. You know those ones?! We all experience them here and there. So, being the Mindset Mentor that I am, I am going to share with you my process for dealing with challenges, even the heavy kind.
First of all, accept that it’s there. So many people get into complaint, blame or some other form of victimhood. If you decide to go that route, the emotional ride will be exhausting and negative. Any form of resistance will just delay you in resolving the matter.
I’m not saying you’re supposed to love that this is happening. Trust me, I don’t love that my challenging event has occurred. I am saying that accepting the challenge puts it in a neutral zone for a while until you can move through the disappointment (or shock) and get yourself to a place of power. For this magnitude of a problem I call upon someone I can trust and vent for a moment. I tell them not to feed my anger, just listen. Soon the anger fades. I do NOT make any decisions or try to come up with solutions yet. Doing so from a place of weakness or upset will only give you mediocre ideas and results.
Process for Challenging Times
Now I ask myself my famous question: “Where do I want to go from here?” In doing so, I call upon 3 aspects of myself to help me out. Remember, all you need is within you.
I call upon:
My Adult Self: when you’re angry, hurt or disappointed, you can feel like a kid wanting to lash out. What would your Adult Self say to you? “Ok hon, I know it looks bad but I’m here for you no matter what. We’ll work through it.”
My Observer: I look at the situation as if I am a third person and the situation is happening to that person. You can look at this aspect as being your best friend. What do you see is going on? What would be in her best interests? What does she need right now in order for her to show up in her best version? A cup of tea? A hug? Supportive swearing?! Space? Reassurance? Some people call this the “wise” aspect of themselves. Again, not a time for decision-making. You are trying to strengthen your emotional intelligence so that you can create the best response for you.
My Future Self: I really like this one. My Future Self has helped me BE the woman I want to be rather than a victim or an activator of old stories. I pretend I am the woman who has experienced the resolution to the challenge. What does she have to say to me? In my case, I could already feel the relief that everything is going to work out and that I can respond from a place of power and possibility rather than doubt and fear.
And it was from there that I started to write out, “What is possible? What are the outcomes that I desire?” The process of checking in to the Adult, Observer and Future Self, considering each angle allowed me to process my feelings, take responsibility, and empower myself to respond rather than react. I did NOT go down the path of what could go wrong. Waste of time!
For some of you, this may seem like a very different approach. Try it out and let me know how it goes. For those of you who have worked with me and you’ve been practicing Mindfulness, you can see how you’ve developed a foundation to be able to make more sophisticated moves in your life. You know there is a better way to deal 🙂
With this process, there is no pushing up against something, or forcing. It allows you to bring forth possibilities. Power back to you 🙂