Spring Cleaning the Messy Places

The good thing is that I practice what I preach. The not-so-good-thing is that I hit some pain. Well, we’ll see if I’ll still call it a not-so-good-thing by the end of this article.

Right now I have a condition. Not diagnosed completely yet, the doctors are guessing. It’s been with me for a number of years. I experience flare-ups, pain and nausea at random moments. It’s evolved over time.

Like the good Mindset Mentor that I am, I continued to accept this condition not realizing I was repressing my true feelings about it. As soon as I felt bad about it, I’d move along to feeling better. Sounds good, sounds like what I teach?

NO!

What I came to realize is that I was jumping “up the ladder” of good feeling thoughts without really getting to the bottom of my fears. In so doing, I’ve kept a level of resistance vibrating in me.

So I got some coaching.

The first question he asked me was, “What could go wrong?” Bang! The well of despair and all the repressed feelings started percolating up.

He told me the better thing to do was to face that I am truly afraid of some things and ask myself, “What is this all about?” For me, it’s having my kids witness me weak or in pain, operating every day wondering in what way the condition is going to wreak havoc on my body, not being able to see my clients, dying.

So I cried. And I cried. Maybe even a bit more.

Spring Cleaning and Acceptance

Then I suddenly spewed, “Phucket”! (sorry mum!) In my head I was saying to myself, “Fine, whatever, I don’t care if I die, or if my body gives out! I don’t like it, but I’m ok with it because, right now, there is nothing more for me to do.”

I felt resigned. And behind that resignation was a teeny tiny bit of relief. All I can say is that a small amount of “ahhh” trickled in. Cleaning. I wasn’t kicking up and happy, but I felt calm.

Now I’m telling you, there was no stronger desire for good health than in that moment. I was CLEAR about what I wanted. So I sat in the feeling of good health. To me, it feels like being in a river and the water is flowing along my body, clear, cleaning, fresh, cool, holding me and I’m going with the flow…

Up to that point, I wasn’t willing to do or experience what I did NOT like about my condition. Too scary, and I have the tendency to “pull up my socks and move on” – that coupled with a high pain tolerance. I was just creating more resistance.

I needed to get out of my own way.

As my coach reminded me, “You have to hit the bottom so you can bounce back up.” Otherwise you keep “treading water” around the issue.

Once I faced what I was afraid of and did not want to do, I was no longer fighting against it. The resistance was gone.

Now, some of you might be thinking, “You didn’t change anything.” Well, externally, no I did not (for now). But internally, I found relief. Then I seemed to walk gently into something that felt better and soon enough I found myself feeling better about life. Really appreciating life – I get to decide how I feel about all of this. I know what I choose!

Now that’s freedom and clarity!

Forgive me for the self focus. What I hope in sharing is that if YOU face something dire, unknown, unwanted in your life, you will consider facing your fears and being vulnerable to the feelings that accompany them. And when you sit with them for a few moments, WITHOUT THINKING, or hooking onto thoughts, the feelings WILL EVOLVE.

You no longer have resistance running the show of your life. You’ve opened the door to allowing what you want.

Let me know how this lands for you. Please share your thoughts below to keep the conversation going 🙂 I’d really love to hear what this brings up for you.

To allowing…

Mindfully,

Ellie

You may also enjoy:

4 thoughts on “Spring Cleaning the Messy Places”

  1. Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts with us. There is power in sharing our deepest fears and how our minds, if we allow it, will let these negative thoughts run their course. I absolutely love that you had a feeling and looked to your coach for support. You faced your fear straight on and you are in control. My thoughts are with you Ellie!

  2. Ellie,
    Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your power in vulnerability. And your courage and wisdom. It benefits us all. xo Julie

  3. Compelling. Inspiring. Open. Thank you!
    May you also have some luck coming your way to supplement your courage and vulnerability. Glen

Comments are closed.

Scroll to Top