Are You a Compulsive Complainer?

This is for you to consider when the complaints are rolling off your tongue…

Not only are we imperfect, we also live in a world of imperfections. I would say that being imperfect offers us the possibilities of learning, change and hope. It inspires us to make an effort and it prevents us from getting bored. However, for those who complain, it seems that the world should be perfect. When the complaining becomes a habit, it becomes something natural to think how things should or shouldn’t be or could or couldn’t be.

When you complain, your energy and clarity reduce and your unhappiness increases. You stop accepting what is. Sometimes your complaints lead you to criticism and to useless gossip. Time and energy are lost and mistrust and unhappiness are generated in these kinds of conversations. Often relationships are harmed and then you have to invest a lot more time and energy to get back the lost trust.

As I see it, people who complain regularly expect the world to make them happy and the Universe to dance to their music. As things are almost never as they want, they are in a state of constant complaint.

Now I want to stop and ask you, is this you?

If so, then you do not realize that happiness comes from within and is cultivated within. You are expecting situations and others to make you happy. And, as this does not happen, you end up complaining constantly.

When you continue to complain you feel disappointed and you get discouraged. You may even feel that you cannot do anything to change what you would like to change. You feel weakened inside.

The person who almost never complains has realized that by complaining, he or she has focused on something negative, and the first person to suffer is, in effect, themselves (it reduces their energy level and they feel worse.)

Complainer’s Focus Strategy

I suggest you try 2 things the next time you feel like complaining:

  1. Accept what is as it is, what happens as it happens, and what comes as it comes.
  2. Use your mental focus to construct, create, transform or solve.

Here’s an example I’ll use to illustrate:

“Two people visit a restaurant for a cup of tea. When the tea arrives, it arrives cold on both tables. The complainer suffers and reacts immediately by making a great complaint to the waiter. He gets into such a bad mood because of the cold tea that it generates a really unhappy feeling inside him. The waiter, of course, gets a bit defensive. The person who doesn’t complain does not remain quiet and drink the tea. He calls the waiter and informs him that the tea is cold and asks for it to be warmed. He doesn’t get angry or into a bad mood; therefore, he doesn’t suffer. He accepts that, at times, such things happen! To inform and ask is not to be a complainer; it is to give feedback and to make a request. The difference between both is the difference between an emotional reaction and a proactive response. “

So the next time you find yourself not liking a situation, practice the 2 steps above instead of being a complainer, and you will feel more ease and connection in your experiences.

Let me know how it goes

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1 thought on “Are You a Compulsive Complainer?”

  1. Joseph Armendariz

    Ellie, thank you for the bullet points on how to handle situations gracefully as they come. I have struggled with this in the past, one truly needs to focus on the positive aspects in every situation and devote one’s energy into coming up with solutions so as not to fall into the negative thought process/behavior.

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